I’m writing the beginning of this on the Tube as having deposited the children at school, I’m on the way to central London for a dentist appointment. What a very different experience it is being on the Tube without three children (as I was last Thursday). I can just blend in as another adult, going about their business. With three children in tow, I’m at worst an inconvenience and annoyance or at best entertainment, I’m constantly on edge checking on the safety and behaviour of my children. Having had everyone off school for nearly three weeks I hadn’t realised how tense I was, just having to constantly be on alert for the other human beings. There is a wonderfulness of being able to just focus on myself and although I of course hope they are having a good time at school, learning lots and being stimulated. It is nice having some time off though.
I know this doesn’t make me a bad mother to feel this way, although there is a definite low level guilt associated with writing these words. The fact is: I am not a child anymore, and as such I prefer to spend my time in the company of either other adults or even by myself. That it is exhausting and draining constantly having to think of, keep safe, entertain, feed, launder for and clear up after others. Constantly assessing their level of happiness, their anxiety, their safety (I think I may have mentioned safety!)
Continuing this off the train in the swanky waiting room at the dentist.
Sometimes as mother, life is so non stop and I feel like I have no more patience for anything, even the most polite, sweet enquiry or request or even just conversation. I feel like it is never going to end and that I have run out of oomph. Like a car running on fumes Sometimes there just isn’t the option of taking time for myself and that’s just how it is. But then when I do get the option, I really must take it and relish it and fill my petrol tank to overflow.
And now I will conclude at the end of the day.
After the dentist, instead of heading to the nearest station (Warren Street) I went on a lovely long walk through Regent’s Park and ended up at Camden. Including the walk to and from the station I walked for about two hours today. It was such a treat to just take in what I wanted and walk at the speed I did.
I saw a lot of people running and for the first time in my life felt an affinity to them, I almost wanted to say, “I too exercise! I am one of you!” Except I obviously didn’t because they might have run away all the faster!
But the fact was that I had intentionally added walking into my day. I could have probably got away with a maximum of 25 minutes at a stretch if I’d chosen different travel options but I purposefully chose to walk instead.
I tried to use the mapmywalk app to track it and the result was that I realise that despite feeling like I was walking at quite a decent speed, I am still a very slow walker I think. For the longest part of my walk, I was going at an average of 1.5mph, MFP seems to classify that speed as leisurely, when I felt I was walking fairly fast. It was still good, whatever it was.
If you are still reading this long and rambling post, thank you.
Breakfast – porridge with almond milk
Lunch – yesterday I doubled up the sandwich I made so that I would have it ready for today – egg mayo and carrot, eaten in Regent’s Park
Snacks – a newly discovered flavoured rice cake (currently on offer in Kosher Kingdom, I warn you, the cinnamon ones are seriously morish), 1 portion is 21 rice cakes. 7 fit in a handful, I had two portions, plus 7 of the smores flavour (not worth it). A Clementine, prunes
Supper – chicken burger and rice and ketchup
Total calories 1325kcal, plus 400-500kcal exercise