Try and be more G-d centred.

Ask Him to help me.

On Friday I had an hour and a half when my Dad had taken the older two to school and H and LH were still sleeping. I was able to do the majority of Shabbos cooking. I listened to a shiur by a Mrs Rivka Levy which was the first one I’ve listened to in AGES! She reminded me that’s I don’t have to start big with talking to Hashem, a few minutes will help me to reconnect. And it’s fine to find it hard when you are out of practice.

All these many things that have been going on, what message is He trying to send me?

Reconnect with Me? Don’t leave Me out of the picture? You don’t have to do this on your own? Or something else altogether?

Why does my mood depend on my perceived sense of self achievement? Shouldn’t I have a deeper sense of well-being and inner simcha to draw upon even when things are hard? Why do I think that eating will make me happier or improve difficult situations?

I don’t expect any immediate answers. This little stream of consciousness is just a way of getting these thoughts out of my head, and pondering on them.